Letter From S – What I Wrote in My Diary on 21st of April 2020
On 21st of Aprill 2020 I wrote in my diary:
"All I want is to live in a huge, old country house in the countryside of England, drink tea, burn cosy fires in fireplaces, throw parties, walk in the woods, dress like a lady, bake, listen birds singing in the morning, read while the rain falls down, put on lipstick in front of a dressing table, take long bubble baths, drink Cosmopolitans, run on the grass at midnight and send kisses to swans in the pond from an attic window."
I recently flicked through my diary of three years and this, amongst many other odd entries, caught my attention. Somehow, it is quite strange to read what you have writen in the past. Things you don't remember writing appear in front of you and leave you wondering what was going on in my life that time. What was I thinking? Was I feeling melancholic or angry? Was I feeling weightened by the obligations of life? Maybe I just tried to be romantic or list things that give me joy. Or perhaps I just wanted paint a picture of a perfect day in the midst of a bad one?
In a way, I feel amused by this plea for a carefree life but, at the same time, it makes me smile because this is presisely the kind of sillyness that takes over me from time to time and yet most of those "dreams" are absolutely attainable in my current life. Except, of course, the huge country house in England that would cause as much trouble as it would cause pleasure. It is also good to question wheter I would actually enjoy as I have put it "runing on the grass at midnight", how many parties my peace loving persona could stand in reality and in what state of mind I would ever send kisses to swans from an attic window.
In the end, dreams are allowed to be strange and this hilarious request my mind made on one April day in 2020 is an example of a moment when it was apperently neccessary to say such things. Besides, now I have one more thing to laugh about and that in itself is improvement.
Blue top is made by me | Crochet skirt is made by me | Straw hat is an old one | Pin striped shirt is secondhand | Necklace and earrings are 1970s vintage from Audrey Leighton Vintage | Bag is 1980s vintage from my great grandmother
Have you been surprised or shocked by your own diary entries?
What are your silly dreams about?